Have to have the last word
I have a very bad habit. In every argument, I have to say the last word. I just can’t let it go. There were times when I could not say the last word. Then sometime later, when some opportune moment came in, I would sneak in that last word. Many a times, it had caused heart burn in others. Some were afraid of my caustic tongue. But it never stopped me. And I never realized what a great sin it was. Till this day.
Yesterday, I had a chance to simply walkaway from an argument. And if I had, it would have actually enhanced my reputation as a very decent guy. But, no. How can I walk away without saying the “last word” in any argument? I said what I wanted to do and just left. Felt very satisfied till I went to sleep.
All night, I had to wrestle with God, for the Holy Spirit pointed out that this is nothing but a form of pride in myself. Finally I had to get out of the bed at 3 AM, and had to confess my pride and my sin. Only then I could find some sleep. In the morning, when I woke up, I was still not sure of what happened in the night. Then I opened “My Utmost for His Highest”, by Oswald Chambers. And here is what was there for today.
Our Solitude with Him. Jesus doesn’t take us aside and explain things to us all the time; He explains things to us as we are able to understand them. The lives of others are examples for us, but God requires us to examine our own souls. It is slow work — so slow that it takes God all of time and eternity to make a man or woman conform to His purpose. We can only be used by God after we allow Him to show us the deep, hidden areas of our own character. It is astounding how ignorant we are about ourselves! We don’t even recognize the envy, laziness, or pride within us when we see it. But Jesus will reveal to us everything we have held within ourselves before His grace began to work. How many of us have learned to look inwardly with courage?
We have to get rid of the idea that we understand ourselves. That is always the last bit of pride to go. The only One who understands us is God. The greatest curse in our spiritual life is pride. If we have ever had a glimpse of what we are like in the sight of God, we will never say, “Oh, I’m so unworthy.” We will understand that this goes without saying. But as long as there is any doubt that we are unworthy, God will continue to close us in until He gets us alone. Whenever there is any element of pride or conceit remaining, Jesus can’t teach us anything. He will allow us to experience heartbreak or the disappointment we feel when our intellectual pride is wounded. He will reveal numerous misplaced affections or desires — things over which we never thought He would have to get us alone. Many things are shown to us, often without effect. But when God gets us alone over them, they will be clear.
I finally humbled myself and praised the LORD for His grace for pointing out this malice that was lurking deep inside my heart. To God our Father, be all the honour and glory, through His Son and our Saviour, Jesus Christ. Amen.
Posted on January 11, 2016, in Christian Life, Daily Manna, Daily Verse, Personal, Strong Tower and tagged last word, My Utmost For His Highest, Oswald Chambers, pride. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.