Lessons from ICU. 10. Gentle Whisper of Jesus Christ
In one of the previous blogs, I wrote about how my blood pressure was high and initially the physicians thought I was suffering from hypertension. I also mentioned how my blood pressure was normal after that day I was admitted to the ICU. However, there was one exception to that.
On the second night of my stay at ICU, around 2 AM, I woke up suddenly, as I heard someone yelling very close to me. As I woke up, I saw a medical intern of Goliathan proportions, screaming at the top of his lungs, very close to my face, saying, “Why are you crashing? Talk to me. I am not going to lose you under my watch.” He kept screaming these same words again and again, and in the background, I could hear the alarm sound of the blood pressure monitor ringing louder and louder. And, I had absolutely no clue what the ruckus was about.
Then the staff nurse in charge of me told that intern to calm down and that she would take care of me. Even then the intern took only a couple of steps backward, saying, that he would be watching me all night. Then the nurse took hold of my hand and in a gentle voice, told me that suddenly in my sleep, I started to breath heavily, my BP went above 150 and the alarm went off. And after I woke up, it went up to 180. Even as she was talking to me in an assured voice, my BP started to climb down and in the next five minutes, it was back to normal.
So, what happened? As my edema got worse, I had trouble lying down, as I felt suffocated and had trouble breathing. So, from July 1st till the day I got admitted to the ICU, I spent days and nights just sitting. Even if I had to sleep, I would be sitting and sleeping. Three times, I tried lying down and every time, it was a horrible experience, and everyone around me got scared that I would die of suffocation. And since I was closer to 125 kgs (around 275 lbs) during that time, my wife and others had trouble lifting me up. So, I was so scared that I would sit for hours and sleep in the same position. Though now I was in ICU and was sleeping in an inclined position, apparently I had a nightmare while sleeping, was breathing heavily and the BP had gone high. And when the intern came and screamed so close to my face, the BP went higher.
Now, I turn back and remember how Jesus Christ has dealt with me in similar situations. Yes, I have renounced sin when I was baptized. And every year, I have made so many renunciations, that I had lost count of them. By the grace of the LORD, though my old self had been crucified with our Redeemer and Saviour Jesus Christ, my flesh is still alive. My flesh is used to the sins that I had committed; they have become habits. And there are times, like a nightmare while sleeping, I just fall into the habit and before I realize, I am back to the sinful ways.
However, every time, I realize that I had fallen, because Jesus Christ tells me so. But He does not scream in face; He does not shout from the top of His lungs. Instead, He whispers to me, in a gentle voice. Not once, He let me continue in my nightmares; He woke me up every single time. Though I have failed Him so many times, never once He has failed me. If I had continued in my sinful ways, it was only because I did not listen to His voice or I did not want to leave that sin. There are times, the gravity of the sins I had committed have startled me, but not once the Voice of our LORD has startled me. For my Shepherd knows that if I am scared, I would go into my shell; I would try to hide my face from Him, like my parents Adam and Eve did.
Instead, Jesus looks at me, with same love and mercy that He had in His eyes, when He looked at Peter on the day He was betrayed. In His voice, I can hear the same tenderness He had, when He asked Thomas to put his hands into His wounds. I hear His voice in the gentle breeze that made Elijah realize the presence of God.
Oh my soul! Listen to that gentle voice! Listen to the voice of your Shepherd! Run into His arms. Jesus Christ knows your shortcoming, oh my soul! HE understands you more than you can ever understand yourself. Jesus loves you with all your faults. Yet, He never shouts at you. For He is meek and humble. And HE is waiting for you to open the door to your heart. Let Him come in and sup with you. Whenever you turn right or left, He whispers in your ear, the path that you have to take. Listen to Him. Listen to His gentle voice. And never take your sins lightly, just because Jesus Christ is being gentle to you. Your sins are horrible, and Jesus knows that. HE must, for HE paid the price for those sins. So, listen to His gentle voice.