Denying Christ

One of the things that always confused me when I read the Bible was Peter denying the Lord. I mean, it is not like Peter did not know that he was going to deny Jesus. The Lord Himself told Peter that he would be denying Him before the rooster crows that night. In the Gospel according to Mark, there is an additional detail, wherein Jesus says that Peter would deny Him before the rooster crows TWICE. I mean, just once I understand. I did not have a chance to stop and think about what I was doing. But, you hear a rooster crowing, you would think for a second what the Savior told and not deny Him once more. Yet, Peter went ahead and denied Him.

I had been, like every fledgling Christian, thought that I would never deny the Lord. But as I grew more and more in a life being led by the Holy Spirit, He pointed out those times when I had denied our Lord, knowingly I might add. However, I alleviated my shame of denying the Lord, by telling myself, “Peter was with the Lord and he should have known better. If I have had the same kind of intimacy he shared with our Redeemer, I would not have done so.” So, imagine my surprise when the Spirit of God convicted me today of denying Christ and the shame with which I am writing this blog.

From Monday (July 31st, 2017) till yesterday (August 02nd. 2017), I was suffering from a severe shortness of breathing. I could not even get out of my bed without breathing so heavily. I could not walk more than few steps without stopping to reduce the pain in my chest while breathing. I could only eat breakfast, as in the morning, it was relatively easier for me to breath. But as the day progressed, it was hard and just to eat a little of rice, I had to spend nearly one hour, with so much suffering. By yesterday evening, I was too tired and when I came upstairs, it was an ordeal to climb those stairs. I was totally disheartened, but then the Lord spoke to me through two devotions, which I blogged them yesterday: These are His mountains and Whence does it come? After reading those two devotions, I felt much better and I spent sometime praising and worshipping the Lord. Though I still could not eat much for supper, at least my heavy breathing had subsided, and I did sleep well.

Before going to sleep, my wife was talking about the availability of sea weed capsules in our town and was reading from a website that the sea weed has lots of potassium in it. Then I suddenly remembered that I was advised to take a potassium supplement, as the edema causes a loss of potassium levels in my blood. One of the symptoms would be heaviness of breathing. I told my wife that we need to get some bananas and also one other source of potassium.

When I woke up this morning, I did not have any breathing problem. I ate my breakfast normally and was actually a little active compared to the last few weeks. Then after noon, a believer got me some bananas and also the sea weed capsules. By then I was breathing normally, yet I ate two bananas and also took a capsule.

The lunch also went smoothly. Though I still could not eat much, at least I did not have to huff and puff for one hour. Then my wife made this remark: “Thank God for this deliverance. Once you read those devotions and praised the Lord, you have been doing pretty good.” And my answer should have been, “Yes, praise the Lord”, or “Hallelujah” or at least an “Amen”. But what I said was: “No, it is not that. It is because I ate those bananas and the sea weed capsules.”

As soon as those words came out of my mouth, the Holy Spirit pointed out that I had just denied the Lord. I had just ascertained the reason of my deliverance to something I did, not ascribing to Jesus. And there were no priests waiting to kill me for my association with Jesus; there were no maid servants accusing me of being with Jesus. I was in no danger at all. No one was accusing. The only person who was there was my loving wife, and she was also praising the Lord. Yet, I had to open my mouth and deny the Lord, and say those words.

As I was filled with shame, I am also glad that the Lord broke me yet again, to point out one more thing that was hiding deep inside me – the rational mind. I also know that Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever and ever. So, the LORD Who forgave Peter has forgiven me too. And all I can tell Him is this:

“LORD, You know all things. You know that I would betray You, that I would deny You. Yet, You love me so much, so much that You gave Your life to save this wretched sinner. And all I could tell is, Jesus, with all my shortcomings, You know that I love You. Yes, Lord, I love You.”

Denying Christ


Posted on August 3, 2017, in Christian Life and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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