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Denying Christ

One of the things that always confused me when I read the Bible was Peter denying the Lord. I mean, it is not like Peter did not know that he was going to deny Jesus. The Lord Himself told Peter that he would be denying Him before the rooster crows that night. In the Gospel according to Mark, there is an additional detail, wherein Jesus says that Peter would deny Him before the rooster crows TWICE. I mean, just once I understand. I did not have a chance to stop and think about what I was doing. But, you hear a rooster crowing, you would think for a second what the Savior told and not deny Him once more. Yet, Peter went ahead and denied Him.

I had been, like every fledgling Christian, thought that I would never deny the Lord. But as I grew more and more in a life being led by the Holy Spirit, He pointed out those times when I had denied our Lord, knowingly I might add. However, I alleviated my shame of denying the Lord, by telling myself, “Peter was with the Lord and he should have known better. If I have had the same kind of intimacy he shared with our Redeemer, I would not have done so.” So, imagine my surprise when the Spirit of God convicted me today of denying Christ and the shame with which I am writing this blog.

From Monday (July 31st, 2017) till yesterday (August 02nd. 2017), I was suffering from a severe shortness of breathing. I could not even get out of my bed without breathing so heavily. I could not walk more than few steps without stopping to reduce the pain in my chest while breathing. I could only eat breakfast, as in the morning, it was relatively easier for me to breath. But as the day progressed, it was hard and just to eat a little of rice, I had to spend nearly one hour, with so much suffering. By yesterday evening, I was too tired and when I came upstairs, it was an ordeal to climb those stairs. I was totally disheartened, but then the Lord spoke to me through two devotions, which I blogged them yesterday: These are His mountains and Whence does it come? After reading those two devotions, I felt much better and I spent sometime praising and worshipping the Lord. Though I still could not eat much for supper, at least my heavy breathing had subsided, and I did sleep well.

Before going to sleep, my wife was talking about the availability of sea weed capsules in our town and was reading from a website that the sea weed has lots of potassium in it. Then I suddenly remembered that I was advised to take a potassium supplement, as the edema causes a loss of potassium levels in my blood. One of the symptoms would be heaviness of breathing. I told my wife that we need to get some bananas and also one other source of potassium.

When I woke up this morning, I did not have any breathing problem. I ate my breakfast normally and was actually a little active compared to the last few weeks. Then after noon, a believer got me some bananas and also the sea weed capsules. By then I was breathing normally, yet I ate two bananas and also took a capsule.

The lunch also went smoothly. Though I still could not eat much, at least I did not have to huff and puff for one hour. Then my wife made this remark: “Thank God for this deliverance. Once you read those devotions and praised the Lord, you have been doing pretty good.” And my answer should have been, “Yes, praise the Lord”, or “Hallelujah” or at least an “Amen”. But what I said was: “No, it is not that. It is because I ate those bananas and the sea weed capsules.”

As soon as those words came out of my mouth, the Holy Spirit pointed out that I had just denied the Lord. I had just ascertained the reason of my deliverance to something I did, not ascribing to Jesus. And there were no priests waiting to kill me for my association with Jesus; there were no maid servants accusing me of being with Jesus. I was in no danger at all. No one was accusing. The only person who was there was my loving wife, and she was also praising the Lord. Yet, I had to open my mouth and deny the Lord, and say those words.

As I was filled with shame, I am also glad that the Lord broke me yet again, to point out one more thing that was hiding deep inside me – the rational mind. I also know that Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever and ever. So, the LORD Who forgave Peter has forgiven me too. And all I can tell Him is this:

“LORD, You know all things. You know that I would betray You, that I would deny You. Yet, You love me so much, so much that You gave Your life to save this wretched sinner. And all I could tell is, Jesus, with all my shortcomings, You know that I love You. Yes, Lord, I love You.”

Denying Christ

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El Roi – God Who saw Hagar

Gen 16:13  Then she called the name of the LORD who spoke to her, You-Are-the-God-Who-Sees; for she said, “Have I also here seen Him who sees me?”

Hagar was Sarah’s maid and she never became anything else. Moreover, she despised Sarah and was dealt harshly because of that. To make things worse, Hagar ran away from her mistress.

It was a grave error during those times, to run away from your master or mistress. Yet, it did not stop Hagar from running away.

Yet the LORD’s eyes saw her. Saw Hagar, who was a maid, a slave who despised her mistress and was running away from Sarah. Yet the LORD saw her. He saw her during the worst time in her life.

There are times in my life, where my behaviour was not at its best. When was supposed to be grateful, I behaved as if they were destined to help me out. And I had been to my shares of wilderness and loneliness. And, unfortunately, I had been preached that the LORD covers His face from sinners like me.

But at the worst times in my life, I have seen the presence of the LORD. I have seen His face, just like Peter saw the face of the LORD after denying Him three times (Luke 22:61-62)

Why would the LORD look at me during those times? Unworthy as I am, it was hard for me to understand till I realized, I am His child. It was not by who I am, but because of His Son and my LORD Jesus Christ. And I now know that the LORD Who saw a maid in the wilderness is gracious and merciful and He will surely sees all His children.

Yes, dear friend, the  LORD sees you. Probably you are struggling with sin at this moment, but the LORD sees you. You may be struggling with people who are dealing harshly with you – and it may be even your fault, but El Roi is seeing with compassion at this very moment.

For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father.” (Romans 8:15) So cry out to Him. Let us cry out to our Abba, to our Father. Now. At this moment. For our Father, our Abba is El Roi – God Who sees us. With compassion and love.
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