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If Your law had not been…

As I was arranging everything on the pulpit just before the worship this Sunday (June 11th, 2017), I saw my wife in tears. It left me bewildered. Usually she starts crying, only after hearing me sing – okay, only after she hears me trying to sing. But here, she was in tears even before I could clear my throat. So, in the small time I had, I rushed to her side and asked her the reason for her tears. And surely I was not ready for her answer.

As I was getting ready, she remembered how I was around this time last year, and she could not control her tears for two reasons. One, she remembered the helpless position I was in, and second, how graceful the Lord has been in saving my life.

Needless to say, when I was leading the worship, there were times when I was about to breakdown as I remembered what we went through last year. By this time last year, I had become so large and swollen, I was unable to use the keyboard in my laptop. It was so difficult for me to drink water, as every gulp I had to take, was very painful and quite slow. I could not eat much of anything, as anything solid would lodge on my swollen throat and I ended up choking invariably. I could not get out of my bed without someone’s help, even then it would take from one hour to 2 hours; yes, seriously it would take so long to catch my breath and for others to help me. I was so heavy. And during Sundays, they would prop me in a bed and leave for the worship. Of course, my wife would be constantly checking to see if everything was okay, and the sad part was I would be just there, like a lump of clay as I could not move much on my own. And there was so much physical suffering involved, even today, it is hard to talk about it.

But as we talked about it on Monday and we remembered taking photographs and videos during those days, as a testimony for future. And, there was something weird about all those photos and videos. In all the photos, I was smiling and in all the videos, we were bantering. Even as I was leaving for the emergency ward on an ambulance on July 8th, 2016, everyone who was there to send us off, had remarked how smiling I was and how composed my wife was.

Now, when we look back at those days, we are wondering why on earth, were we that happy? Why we were laughing at each other whole time, with my wife making fun about my swollen face all the time? I wish we could tell that it is because we are strong and resolute. But, one year later, when we look back, if at all we look back, it scares us. There are times when we would just burst into tears, thinking about those days… then what made us so happy?

After talking about all these, I opened my Bible and reading Psalm 119, and suddenly verse 92 riveted my attention and I could not go further.

“If Your law had not been my delight, I would have perished in my affliction.” – Psalm 119:92(NIV).

Then we remembered how we spent so much time reading the Bible, reading sermons by Charles Spurgeon and listening to Christian songs non-stop. Most importantly I was reciting various promise verses from the Bible all the time and would discuss about the precious promises that the Lord has given us in the Holy Scriptures.

Yes, if the Word of God was not my delight, I would have surely perished in my affliction. And, all I can do now is, thank the Lord for proving His Word, His Son, for me. And for giving His Spirit to guide us to His Word, so that our delight was and is in His Word alone. And even today, we have not perished in our afflictions, because His Word alone has been our delight. Thank You, Lord.

Psakm 119_92 

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