When I grew up, I never felt comfortable with anyone. Because in the town where I was growing up, I was different. I was the only child who did not have a father. My father left me when I was just 2 years old. He is married to someone else. He blames my mother for that, that he had to marry someone else because my mother was having an affair. My mother tells that because he went out and married someone else, she had no choice but to have an affair. Don’t know till today who is right, but neither of them knew the deep wounds in my heart.
From the time I realized that other parents advised their kids not to be close friends with me, I almost grew alone. I also wanted to have a normal father like everyone else. I hated the guy with who my mother was having the affair and I showed it. It backfired big time. I was promptly thrown in a boy’s hostel.
From then on, I kept looking for a father figure. Till today, I have lots of respect and admiration for most of my teachers, because I looked up to them as father figures. But I realized that once the school year ends, the teachers have new students. It was so difficult for me.
When I went to college, it was real bad. Almost all of us who came to college during those days were those dreamt of becoming a doctor or an engineer, but did their +2 exams miserably. When we talked among ourselves, it was always their dads who were prominent decision makers in my fellow students’ lives. I was the only one who could not talk about a father.
When I confided in few of my friends about how my father abandoned me and how my mother was in an affair, it invariably boomeranged. Whenever I had a misunderstanding with any of those friends, I was called names. It hurt me so much, I could not trust anyone.
It was then one of my best friends told me about a Father who was waiting for my love. My heavenly Father. I have always looked at God as vengeful martinet, who would strike you down at the first given chance. But look at God as my Father, my Dad… it was something new.
But when the LORD poured His Spirit into me, I realized that it was not the spirit of fear, but the Spirit of adoption, by which I could call Him “My Father, my Dad, my Abba.”
It was not easy to be a child of my heavenly Father. The more I knew about my Father, I realized how insufficient I was. The more I realized how compassionate and loving He is, how long suffering and patient He is, how gracious my Father is, it made me understand how unfitting I am to be called His son. But then, my Father loves me not because I am perfect, but because HE is perfect. My Father loves me not because I have given my life to Him, but His only begotten Son Jesus Christ gave His life for me.
My Father is patient with me. When I am wrong, He patiently waits for me to understand the follies of my ways. My Father is gracious unto me. When I stumble, He knows that I am weak and gives me strength. My Father is humble. When I am filled with pride, He finds ways to teach me humility. My Father cares. Whenever I cry, He is always next to me, comforting me. My Father is righteous. Whenever I sin, He remembers the atoning sacrifice of my Savior Jesus Christ, and reminds me of my sin till I confess and receive forgiveness. My Father is the LORD Almighty. So, with humility and faith, I declare this:
|Psalm 103:13“As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear Him.”
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